From s-cwis.unomaha.edu!news.mtholyoke.edu!news.rssi.ru!news.phys.msu.su!mx.nsu.ru!nic!fagot!satisfy.kiae.su!news.spb.su!demos!solace!nntp.uio.no!news.cais.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in1.uu.net!news2.digex.net!digex.net!not-for-mail Sat Apr 20 22:13:24 1996 Path: s-cwis.unomaha.edu!news.mtholyoke.edu!news.rssi.ru!news.phys.msu.su!mx.nsu.ru!nic!fagot!satisfy.kiae.su!news.spb.su!demos!solace!nntp.uio.no!news.cais.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in1.uu.net!news2.digex.net!digex.net!not-for-mail From: thenixtr@acy1.digex.net (The Nixtr) Newsgroups: alt.toys.transformers Subject: CLASTER BLUES, PART 1 (of 5) Date: 19 Apr 1996 20:11:20 -0400 Organization: The Morency Universe Lines: 138 Message-ID: <4l9a38$3nn@acy1.digex.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: acy1.digex.net ... The Deformers: Claster Blues (a satire of post-modern prose) Written by: Nicholas J. Morency D I S C L A I M E R : Just as Leave It to Nightnerd was not a direct sequel to Deformers: The Fanfic, so this story is not a linear sequel to Leave It to Nightnerd. They may all involve some of the same characters and fight the same war, but are about as related as the comic Transformer universe is to the television series. Developments since last story, a controversy surrounding a certain scene where a certain Transformer fan met a certain doom with a certain Decepticrum, have led to a certain... shall I say... cautiousness... in the way the following work is handled. Scientific achievements within the field of Transformer-ology have made the factual content of the Deformers inconsistent, as the latter stories incorporate events and discoveries which had not taken place when the earlier fan fiction was written. Leave It to Nightnerd was made possible by the brilliantly successful 1995 BotCon, not to mention a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts. Nonetheless, I had not intended to return to the writing of fan fiction until the even more ambitious BotCon '96. I hoped then to take advantage of the flood of new information in parody... Alas, the explosion of the Space Shuttle Raksha, (caused by an overheated temper) eliminated that scenario; I had discovered that use of others in a fanfic can cause upheaval in the harmony among Transformer fans. Thus I provide my disclaimer: To prevent liability, NONE of the Transformer fans have been used in this story. Also NONE of the names have been changed so as to degrade any respectability any Transformer may have. No animals have been hurt in the making of this fanfic. Fanfic is short for fan fiction. This work, therefore, is fiction, and any similarity between the characters presented herein and any actual persons or robots, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Perhaps there will come a time when I could write a Deformer story safely. I have decided not to wait. Nicholas J. Morency Colombo, Sri Lanka January, 1996 Part 1. Optimus Prime walked through the halls of the CyberNet Space Cube. He had just enjoyed the screening of Scramble City. Although the Cube's digital equipment will reset to start the film again in 1.2 seconds, he decided against the viewing pleasure. Four times was enough. Besides, the english dubbing was found on the other hemisphere, rather, hemicube, and the long walk was not in his interest. Nine million years of war makes a robot weary. As Optimus walked to the Cube's Earthside face, he gazed into the vastness of space. It goes on forever, he thought. Or does it? After all, none of our adventures ever take place anywhere outside the Milky Way Galaxy. He stopped to consider his last statement. No, I am mistaken. By Furman's Generation 2 our race definitely acquired intergalactic travel. But is there an edge to it? Some scientists believe the universe is spherical, like Rush Limbaugh. Others think that it is doughnut- shaped. Hm. I'll bet Homer Simpson would like that. But who can say, Chip? In this vast universe, is anything truly... forever? Optimus looked intently at the planet Earth. His gaze became more and more intent with each passing second. Though he had nearly entered a trance-like, almost epileptic state, staring at his adopted home planet, his perception had become more and more clear. He had noticed for the first time things he had never seen since he first entered orbit. As he stared on, he noticed that an innocent meteor, who had been minding its own business in its Newton-declared straight line, became pulled in by the gravitational field of big bad Earth. No! thought Prime. The universe is fleeting, just as the meteor is. In seconds that piece of rock, with origins unknown, would become a carbon cinder, and no one would even care. Kinda Like Icarus, for instance: while he plummets to his doom because he flew too close to the sun and the Zog's surf wax melted off his wings, that Chinese farmer from The Good Earth doesn't even notice, and neither does that cruise liner; oh, Breughel knew his stuff when he painted that work of art. Who knows what he would have come up with if he didn't take that small role in Max Headroom. Oh, those Old Masters: how well they understood Optimus paused to consider the Old Masters of his home planet. There were few. Most of the Masters were newer characters. Like the Headmasters, for instance. That year also saw the introduction of Targetmasters. Then there were the Powermasters. Optimus struck a noble pose; he indeed was proud to be one of the Young Masters whilst also being an Old Master. Yes. I am a Young Master, and I can crush those Micromasters easily. Actually, I kinda like the characterization of the Micromasters since their debut in issue #54. You know, That Bob Budiansky wasn't all that bad. It was actually pretty cool the way the Micromasters showed Cybertron's progress in our absence. The way they downsized to save energy; that was cool. But still, Simon Furman was THE human. I was so happy they dragged him overseas, or I thought the creeps at Marvel would never deemphasize the humans in the story. I mean, come on! The book's title is The Transformers, not The Humans! And all this happened just because that Brit would make an extra ten pounds a month. Those jerks at Marvel are so cheap. And so are the jerks at Claster. I thought Gneeration two was going to be a bunch of new episodes. And then Marvel gives the comic the axe... Prime clenched a fist. Like Cathy from the comic strip Cathy, Optimus began the day in a calm way and talked himself into a depression. The more he focused on the comic book universe, the more he became angry at Marvel. If I wasn't such a martyr, I would storm into the Marvel offices, he thought. Yes, that's what I'd do. Who do they think they're dealing with? I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots! Yes! That's what I would do. I would go in there and demand the rights to the comic. Heck! I'd make sure every issue is available in every comic rack the world over! I'd even be like CNN and ram my opinions down every human's throats and make them like Transformers. But I can't since I'm a fictional character. And besides, that's not very Autobot-like. Suddenly a light bulb (or a switch board, or whatever resembles an idea to a Transformer.) Wait a minute! It's not like an Autobot to do that, but it is like a Decepticon. Perhaps I could make a deal with Megatron (or Galvatron, or whoever's existing in this multiverse) and strike an agreement and a temporary alliance with the Decepticons. Then Nothin's Gonna Stand in Our Way. I can picture the scenario now... -- The Nixtr *** Transformer fan *** Abortionists make a killing in the market ! SCAM ARTIST: Karbnkle@mail.dwx.com (he's a liar, theif, cheat) Not for the normal: http://www.acy.digex.net/~thenixtr/nick0000.html