Article 23019 of alt.toys.transformers: Path: madeline.INS.CWRU.Edu!usenet.ins.cwru.edu!magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu!math.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!chi-news.cic.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!howland.reston.ans.net!news-e1a.megaweb.com!newstf01.news.aol.com!newsbf02.news.aol.com!not-for-mail From: thenixtr@aol.com (The Nixtr) Newsgroups: alt.toys.transformers Subject: FANFIC: DEFORMERS... Leave it to Nightnerd Parts 1 & 2 Date: 31 Oct 1995 18:21:05 -0500 Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364) Lines: 244 Sender: root@newsbf02.news.aol.com Message-ID: <476b11$jg0@newsbf02.news.aol.com> Reply-To: thenixtr@aol.com (The Nixtr) NNTP-Posting-Host: newsbf02.mail.aol.com The Deformers: Leave it to Nightnerd By Nick Morency (A.K.A. Paroxysm) First Published: Alt.Toys.Transformers Part 1. Skywarped tiptoed through the main room of Decepticrum Headquarters. He tried hard not to be noticed. And he failed. "Skywarped!" Skywarped knew the voice even before he turned around. No one else had one so silly-sounding. Of all the possible Decepticrums that have been introduced into the series so far, he thought, why'd it have to be Megaschlong who found me? "Where are you going?" insisted the Decepticrum Leader. "To my quarters." "And what, praytell, are you attempting to sneak past me?" "Oh, nothing." "You think I can't detect that you're holding something, with the sensors in this new body that COBRA built for... oh, wait a minute. That's not until Generation 2. Anyway, you show me what you're holding, and I might let you live." "Okay, okay." Skywarped unfurls his palm, revealing the contents of his hands. They were human-constructed devices, wrapped on cardboard strips, small enough for all of them to fit in Skywarped's hand. "They're Deformer toys. Combaticrums." "And what are you doing with those things?" asked Megaschlong. "Hiding them from you, Meggy. Gee, I thought you were smarter than that." "What I mean is, why on Cyclotron did you waste your energon on those?" "Well... you see... I kinda felt sorry for you." "You better explain youreslf, or you'll soon be feeling sorry for yourself!" "You see, the Autoblots keep defending the flesh creatures from our threats, and thus the flesh creatures have become good friends with the Autoblots." Megaschlong paused. At this point he realized that this story wasn't taking place in the comic universe. "Uh... go on." "So anyway, the humans keep patronizing the Autoblots by buying their toys. Meanwhile all the Decepticrum toys collect dust." He looked up at the facial expression of his commander. Skywarped could tell that he wasn't very happy with what he just said, so he tried to change the subject in an attempt to get on Megaschlong's good side again. "But check these toys out. They join into Bruticurse, if you can just find the Onslaught toy!" "Are you cracked?!" screamed Megaschlong. "Go to your quarters, now, and don't ever let me hear of or see those things from you again!" "All right," answered Skywarped, "but do you know how much Swindull charged me for..." Megaschlong blasted Skywarped's back. "I said don't bring them up again, and I meant it!" As the automatic doors to Skywarped's quarters opened and he entered, he then remembered that he could have avoided the whole affair had he only used his ability to teleport. Once the doors closed behind Skywarped, Megaschlong walked up to them. "Skywarped, can you hear me?" he spoke into the door, awaiting a response. There was none. Megaschlong then proceeded to the center of the room. "Fellow Decepticrums," he began, in a stately manner, "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? Without humans to support us, the Decepticrums are finished." "You're overreacting," said Deafwave. "I am not! You know how important public opinion polls are. Just ask Bill CLinton! Or Newt... on second thought, don't ask Newt Gingrich. As of right now, I'm open to any suggestions." "Maybe we can start by not telling the humans how we want to enslave their race," suggested Crumble. "Next!" replied Megaschlong, stepping on Crumble. "How about we make a new line of toys called Gobots?" asked Thunder Grahamcracker. Now, that idea," Megascholong answered cautiously, as he DEFORMED to baseball bat mode... OH OH AH AH EE! "Sucks!" He wacked Thunder Grahamcracker in the back. Tiny bits of paint and chrome broke off Thunder Grahamcracker's body and gracefully landed on the ground. "Hey, that's the way the Thunder Grahamcracker crumbles," said Megaschlong jokingly. "Yo, I resent your misuse of my name," protested Crumble. As the Decepticrums continued to bicker amongst themselves, Ice Scream, who was seated on a Decepti-sofa and reading a magazine, glanced upwards and peered his optic sensors at the spectacle. Since it was a human-sized magagine, his actions were conspicuous and the others noticed his glazed gaze. (A little aliteration.) "What are you looking at?" Deafwave asked Ice Scream. "You guys just don't have anything better to do than chase your own after-burners, do you?" Megaschlong stared at him with discontent. "What is that supposed to mean, Starscream?" "You mean Ice Scream." "Oh, yeah, Ice Scream. I forgot; this is a satire." Crumble began to advance at Ice Scream, preparing to activate his pogo- stick drivers. "I don't htink he cares too much for his own after-burner!" Megaschlong stretched out his hand, blocking Crumble's advance. "Hold. I want to hear what Ice Scream has to say." Now that is a first. "Well, you see, self-proclaimed Mighty Megaschlong, I've been reading this." Ice Scream holds his periodical for the Decepticrums to view. "It's called a BotCon '95 magazine. And there's a particular advertisement of interest inside. Take a look." Megaschlong strained his optics to read the tiny (by Deformer standards) message. CONQUEST... is published 4 times a year by Plumed Serpent Productions*. Regular issues contain 50 pages worth of Decepticon fiction, artwork, profiles, and other information. Join the winning side- subscribe today." Ice Scream turns aside and speaks discretely to the audience. "Asterisk: Plumed Serpent Productions is a trademark of Plumed Serpent Productions. All rights reserved." Deafwave peered over Megaschlong's shoulder to read the ad. He noticed that a clip art image of himself was incorporated by the graphic disigner for the ad. "Hm. Certainly is a handsome Decepticrum." "Now," proceeded Ice scream, "I think I should be the ambassador or PR man or something for this Decepticrum fan club, who will no doubt recruit more flesh creatures for us. After all, who is it who befriended Dr. Arkanoid?" "I was," answered Megaschlong. "You merely kidnapped him from me in The Ultimate Doom, Part Three and forced him to work with you." "Oh, yeah." "Now we have to find a way to lure them into our service, but how?" "That's just what I'm getting at. What is is that every Transformer fan wats more than anything else?" The other Decepticrums stared with blank faces. Part 2. Raksha squealed with elation. Now that I'm through with one of those disorienting introductory paragraphs, I can get on with the story. They were only pixels of light on a screen, but to a human, it meant something. And to a Deformer fan, it meant everything. The message read as follows: Subj: Decepticrum convention Date: 96-06-25 20:26:14 CDT (That's Cybertronian Daylight Time) From: Ice.scream@Decepticrum.headquarters.com To: jkink@maggot.ohio-state.lib Greetings, human germ... I mean ally. This is Ice Scream! The Decepticrums request your honorable prescence at our all-Decepticrum convention: ConCon '96, to be held between Friday, 2 August and Sunday, 4 August, inclusive. Convention will be held at the Atlantic City Convention Center in Atlantic City, and all your favorite Decepticrums will be there, as well as your not-so-favorite ones. Spread the word and join the winning side! Ice Scream ----------------------- Headers -------------------------------- From Ice.scream@Decepticrum.headquarters.com Wed Jun 26 20:24:52 1996 Return-Path: Ice.scream@Decepticrum.headquarters.com Received: from internet.Depepticrum.headquarters.com (Decepticrum.headquarters.com [137.207.232.1]) by mail03.mail.ohio-state.lib (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id UAA09990 for ; Wed, 26 Jun 1995 20:24:47 -0400 Received: from server.uwindsor.ca (server.uwindsor.ca [137.207.32.2]) by internet with ESMTP (Duh!Mail/'96) id UAA03796; Wed, 26 Jun 1996 20:24:26 -0400 Traced: by liberal.human.politician.obsessed.with.controlling.the.Internet @Washington.com Received: by server.Decepticrum.headquarters.com (950215.SGI.8.6.10/940406.SGI.AUTO) id UAA29346; Wed, 26 Jun 1995 20:23:58 -0400 Date: 96-06-26 20:25:14 CDT (That's Cybertronian Daylight Time) From: Ice.scream@Decepticrum.headquarters.com To: jkink@maggot.ohio-state.lib Subject: Decepticrum convention Message-ID: MIME-Version: '96 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=TF-TRUETYE FONT ASCII This letter dispells the myth that the Internet is full of useful information. It's a good thing this piece of prose doesn't ramble garble bargle nawdle zouss tfpopw ille atitse lfforr eade rsof gr oothew andere rcomi csthi sisth ehid de nme ssa ge... "Wow!" exclaimed Raksha, but soon shushed herself because she remembered that she would disturb the other students at Ohio State University. Gripping reality, she entered a message that would be sure to reach everyone, provided they had a computer, modem, Internet access, and the Internet providor had access to the Deformer conference. Time passes. (So I plagarized Simon Vermon. So sue me.) About 400 monitors filled with backlighting as Deformer fans everywhere turned on their computers after coming home from their jobs: creating Tech Specs, writing Deformer fanfics, drawing Deformer pictures and comics, and bringing home stacks of notepads after studying interminable cartoon episodes. Simultaneously, thay all logged onto the Internet (the ones using America Online a lot slower than the others, but eventually they got there) and entered the greatest newsgroup that ever existed, Alt.Toys.Deformers. (Author's note: The dot at the end of that sendence was a period, not a dot in the newsgroup name.) As the fans ran through the usual postings, ones from those wanting to buy a mint-in-mint-box Fortress Maximus for $10, others from those arguing that 20 minutes were cut in the video version of Transformers: The Movie, and nonsensical garbage like Deformers, the Fanfic. Yet it was one post which caught the immediate attention of everyone: Convention 1996. At the same time, everyone read the post. Subject: Convention 1996 From: jkink@magnus.ohio-state.lib date: 32 Jun 1995 22:12:30 -0400 Messade-ID: <802701AD@mail.ohio-state.lib> Attention Decepticrum-lovers, and all TF fans! Come to the First Annual Decepticrum Convention, ConCon '96! Three days of Decepticrum literature, artwork, character profiles, and other information! Convention will be held August 2 through August 4 in the Atlantic City Convention Center, in the heart of Atlantic City, home of Miss America! Be there or... don't be there! The 400 or so humans mused in ignorance, "Where the heck is Atlantic City?" TO be continued... The Nixtr @ AOL.com